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Nationals Park @ 1500 S Capitol St SE

1500 S Capitol St SE
20003 Washington, DC
United States
(888) 632-6287
Venue Category: 
Stadiums & Arenas

The Scrawl on the Wall

Generic tenders, full and half-conscious

While enjoying my fair share of Washington Nationals games, I regularly indulge in a combination of terrifying chicken tenders and oversized sodas. As a result, I frequently visit the 300-level restrooms in the latter stages of the ballgames. Now, I like to refer to these commode experiences as A Tale of Two Restrooms.

Using the facilities early in games is generally pleasant. These are not water closets of the highest standards and beauty, but they have plenty of urinal/stall options and magnificent hand drying selections to choose from. The rooms are large with plenty of space, just in case lines form.

And once the game reaches the seventh inning, believe me, they will form. Digestive tracts are torn apart by greasy StrasBurgers and the quintessential overpriced beers. Restroom attendants are not numbered enough to clean the misses and shoddy aim that may result.

By the end of most games, littered programs line the concrete floors and mystery fluids reside on the toilet bowls. It's recommended that you visit in the earlier stretches of games, not just due to hygienic conditions, but also due to the massive stretches of people that will infiltrate the facilities. And don't even think about extra inning visits!

Nationals Park restrooms are spacious and generally pristine at the beginning of the day. Yet, like so many other stadium squat zones, they degenerate into nightmare worlds of terror and bizarre stenches by day's end. Don't hesitate to stop in early, but do your best to avoid the seventh-inning stench.

DookieNukem Male, 27 years old.
On December 3, 2013, 5:31 pm
What I Did in Here: Urinate