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Legion @ 790 Metropolitan Ave

Address: 
790 Metropolitan Ave
11211 Brooklyn , NY
United States
(718) 387-3797
Toilet Paper: 
Expect to bring your own!
Neighborhood: 
East Williamsburg
Venue Category: 
Bars

The Scrawl on the Wall

Beer, hungover

Me and two of my most daring drinking cohorts were sitting around, getting ready for a night out by eating a big pot of red beans and rice and kimchi and all sorts of other mysterious foreign dishes when I remembered I had been booked to do a stand up set at Legion, at which point I shot up off of the couch, most likely propelled by my own gastrointestinal forces and shouted "holy crap! we gotta get to that bar!" We booked it down Metropolitan and arrived in time to get in some happy hour beers and then, showtime. The show was in the back room, the door for which is right next to the men's room, so this whole situation generates a bit of uncomfortable traffic. It should also be noted that if you are a man who has been eating beans and kimchi all day, when you escape to the bathroom to thrust your fists at the sky and try to make sense of your life, there will not be any toilet paper. Luckily for me, no one seemed to mind when I used the women's room, which was way out in the regular part of the bar, away from comedy and laughter and drunk comedians with stomach problems. In summation: both bathrooms were pretty standard single person toilets and the bar was small enough to where they didn't get slammed too hard, but the lack of toilet paper in the men's room was a bummer.
JackieFlowers Male, 27 years old.
Brooklyn, New York
On January 13, 2014, 1:33 am
What I Did in Here: Conjured the Cenobites

NOTHING

On the corner opposite Legion, sparkling like the gem of the world wide sea it is, is White Castle. Even if there's only a slight tickle in your bowels, looking at White Castle is like staring at the sun to goad a sneeze into fruition. It's like voodoo. And Legion's facilities are far less haunting than what I imagine White Castle's might be. I do not and will never know what that might be like.

Legion is generally chill. There's a backroom with a tiny stage, a closed-in outdoor area for cigs, and a dancefloor that gets a fair beating of boots and boatshoes on the weekend. I was on my way home, walking along Metropolitan Ave., deciding on which doorway or corner was dark enough to pee in, and then consequently convincing myself I could hold out a little bit longer. This game of constant moral evaluation lasted until I felt a slight spurt soak into my underwear.

The bouncer didn't bother to i.d. me, and I walked straight to the bathroom at the back. Although I enjoyed the black and white tiled floor, the element of danger proved too much for the casual pee-er. The very tame hazard of a broken glass on the floor brought up flashbacks of getting a small piece of glass stuck in my foot, and being mildly irritated for three days. Who can take a doodie in such a time of strife? I did, however, like the seeming encouragement to literally do whatever I wanted, and so I almost peed in the corner while waving to the toilet. That kind of freedom is hard to come by.
bread Male, 27 years old.
Brooklyn, New York
On November 25, 2013, 1:45 am
What I Did in Here: Did a pee dance