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The Home Depot @ 399-443 Springfield Ave

399-443 Springfield Ave
07103 Newark , NJ
United States
(973) 848-0600
Toilet Paper: 
Very well-stocked.
Venue Category: 
Hardware Stores

The Scrawl on the Wall

Four damn sips of water; slightly frantic

I came here after seeing Catching Fire, which is one doozy of a long movie, but by some late Thanksgiving miracle, I didn't have to bolt for the bathroom immediately thereafter.

I probably should have, though.

Home Depot is just across the street, so I figured I'd pick up a few things. Turns out I overestimated my holding power. By the time we entered the lot, I'd been sneak-attacked, overwhelmed by a savage need to pee.

Anyone who's ever been inside a Home Depot knows just how big they are. Hopefully you're not like me and practically bursting with piss, but if you've got an emergency, you'd better be speed walking it if you want to hit this toilet in time. From the entrance, the bathrooms are a very long trek to the very last aisle.

Once you get to that last aisle, however, the restroom sign is hanging loud and proud from the ceiling, so you can't miss it. Head right into the alcove beneath it and look left for the bathrooms. There are a couple of water fountains just outside the men's bathroom if you dare.

I guess what bothered me most about these bathrooms was that I could smell them long before I even went in. Rounding the first corner, I was hit with a pungent combo of B.O and urine, but mostly B.O. Thankfully, the stench of armpit, salami and tzatziki sauce dissipated when I entered the ladies' room. The urine lingered just a little. Nothing too terrible, though.

In fact, the bathroom was impeccably clean. So clean that I took great care to wipe my tinkle sprinkles from the seat since no amount of control could temper how violent a piss that was. This place is well-stocked with the important stuff, including a functional number of stalls.
slackerology Female, 31 years old.
Newark, New Jersey
On December 19, 2013, 2:33 pm
What I Did in Here: Pissed a river and cleaned a toilet seat.