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Biltmore Hotel @ 11 Dorrance St

Address: 
11 Dorrance St
02903 Providence , RI
United States
(401) 421-0700
Toilet Paper: 
Somewhat well-stocked.
Neighborhood: 
DownCity
Venue Category: 
Hotels

The Scrawl on the Wall

A year ago .... no issues

At any given time of day or night, Kennedy Plaza in Providence is teeming with activity. High school kids who skipped school, politicians hanging around City Hall waiting for envelopes stuffed with cash, college students arriving by bus or waiting for Bonanza to take them back to the Big Apple.

And many of them want to take a leak, or more.
Males who find themselves in the area and need to relieve themselves have two options:

1. They can find an alley behind City Hall, which serves the dual purpose of relieving the pressure on one’s bladder while at the same time making a clear statement about the effectiveness of city government, or . . .
2. Navigating your way through a labrinth and using the facilities in the Biltmore lobby, which are actually located in the bottom floor of the attached McCormick& Schmick’s restaurant. Which is a problem, because the head is guarded by a machine gun nest and a woman who has spent most of her adult life as a guard in a Bulgarian women’s prison.

The Biltmore has a vested interest in keeping the riff raff out, especially since it’s a tired facility trying to fight time and maintain its fading image in the face of high-end competition from the nearby Omni Providence. That doesn’t mean you can’t find a way, though.

First, get into the Biltmore lobby, which is easy as long as you are not wearing ripped jeans, carrying a ratty backpack and have a two-month growth of beard. Walk confidently to the left of the large column, head through the door that leads to the restaurant, tell the Bulgarian prison guard that you are going to the bar, take a quick left and then -- when you think the guard is not looking, head down the stairs.

(Note: If you try to enter the restaurant from the outside and not the Biltmore lobby, you may see a sign that there is no public restroom. Ignore it.)

Assuming you get inside the men’s room and don’t have to pay immediate attention to any bullet wounds from the machine gun, you’ll find a clean facility with several stalls, clean sinks, plenty of papers and – in case you want to linger a bit – renderings of antique cars and horses jumping over fences.

Nice place. Class. Clean. Quiet. Everything you need. Two-ply paper, even.

You just have to figure out a way to get there.


Circlingthedrain Male, 69 years old.
Providence, Rhode Island
On January 28, 2014, 12:18 pm
What I Did in Here: Everything except rode the zip line