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Arbor Place Mall @ 6700 Douglas Blvd

Address: 
6700 Douglas Blvd
30135 Douglasville , GA
United States
(770) 947-4244
Toilet Paper: 
Somewhat well-stocked.
Venue Category: 
Shopping Centers

The Scrawl on the Wall

Ice Cream- I love it but it hates me and enjoys bowel dancing.

As I left the chilly, early evening air and dashed into Arbor Place Mall through the main entrance like I have done so many times before, I found myself rendered immobile for a brief second. “Oh no, “I thought, “not again!” I felt like maybe I had to pass gas, but I could not take chance of a fart turning into a “shart”. It was a feeling I knew all too well. Bubbling, swelling, fiery and eager to be free, but why? “Oh; of course, the ice cream I ate earlier.”

For years I’ve had this ongoing love-hate relationship with cookie dough ice cream. I yearn for it like most women my age yearn for a soul mate. It; however, does not return my admiration. It tricks me with its beauty and sweet fatty elements. As soon as I have satisfied my appetite, the ice cream lingers in my intestines waiting for the perfect moment to ruin my day with its favorite dance – the Lactotrot.

Realizing that I was now obligated to perform in the “Revenge of the Ice Cream” twirkathon, I begin to take very tight, rapid steps towards the escalator that lead to the nearest bathroom. I grabbed a hold of the hands of the four children who accompanied me and commenced dragging them up the escalator on what felt like a hike to the top of Mount Everest. After conquering the mountain, I scurried to left, through the food court, to the hall in the far left corner where I found a great reprieve - the bathroom.

Following my belly swayed instincts, I zoomed into the first female entrance way, taking a glimpse of cleanliness only to be knocked back by an invisible reek that I can only describe as “something fishy”. Unable to bare the smell; I swooshed out of there, still clinging to my troops and darted down the hall to the family restroom – which made more sense anyway.

Walking through the door it stunk of old mop water, but that smell was an upgrade from the one that slapped me in the nose earlier. Once through the door, I rattled off instructions of “Sit here, don’t move and yell if someone tries to snatch you!,” While at the same time slinging the children on the bench which sat in front of two more doors; one a male bathroom and one a female bathroom. I reached for the female bathroom door which appeared to be dirty and worn down like a prop from an old horror movie.

And when I opened it, to my surprise it smelled wonderful and it appeared to be very clean. The only odd thing about the appearance was the hole in the wall to the left as you’re walking in. I’m thinking it could have been made by the door handle or maybe a fist because it was definitely big enough. It had been stuffed with tissue, but it was still very creepy.

As usual I wiped the seat off, lined it with the well supplied toilet paper and went to battle with the infamous cookie dough ice cream. After it kicked my tale and I did my hygiene thing I only longed for a deodorizer that would allow me to leave the bathroom smelling as good as it did when I entered.
Willdo Female, 39 years old.
Douglasville, Georgia
On January 17, 2014, 12:02 am
What I Did in Here: We'll just call it "The Lactotrot" - a cross between the "DoDo Brown" and the "Drop it like its Hot" dances.