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4 years 2 months
30 years old
I'm the whizz and nobody beats me!
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Lots of beer and I wish it never left me

Okay this bathroom is located on the third floor and is down right confusing to navigate. THE ONLY REASON you should use this is you went to watch a movie, ate a lot of popcorn and drank a lot of soda and suddenly had the urge to pee your soul. I went there during a PM showing and I was genuinely afraid. It is eerie and when you are “doing your business” you can hear the ghosts of former cinema employees whispering in your ear, “2D is better than 3D.”
In all seriousness it was pretty disgusting. Toilet Paper was all over the floor and it had a horrible smell. There are a lot of stalls so privacy is not a problem, but if you use them you can just tell that the ghosts of former cinema employees are judging your actions.
PoopyDoopy Female, 30 years old.
New York, New York
On January 31, 2014, 8:31 am
What I Did in Here: Pee'd regret

soy latte

No matter how hard I try, sometimes I can't help but give in to the urge of using a public bathroom. I guess you could say I've had some horrific experiences that involved someone walking in on me even though the door was locked! I sometimes get flashbacks of that fateful day which reminds me why I don't use public bathrooms, but sometimes you just have go.

So I search around the small yet packed cafe to locate the bathroom. I spot what looks like a door and head toward the back, but right before I could make my way to it. This guy walks out of the bathroom with a look that says he's done way more than just pay the water bill. I stood there a bit paralyzed unsure of what I should do. My mind told me to go running in the other direction but my bladder had other plans. So I braced myself for what could truly be " Poopagedon" As I turned the doorknob I was hit with a smell that could bring tears to the eyes of a rugged gansta. I screamed in silent agony, I knew I had to make it quick so I ran towards the toilet, did the do, washed my hands and was out of there.

While I was in there I did manage to take a picture of the cool graffiti that graced the smelly walls. I figured why not sacrifice my sense of smell for the greater good of man kind!

So long story short, if you have to use the bathroom while visiting The Bean make sure you bring a gas mask! You never know if you'll need it!
Nikki2685 Female, 30 years old.
Squatted At The Bean @ 54 2nd Ave
New York, New York
On January 22, 2014, 5:53 pm
What I Did in Here: numero uno

Navigating through the

Navigating through the throngs of drunk, angry Red Sox fans after a game at Fenway is an ordeal. More so if you've just consumed two Fenway Franks and all the beer the park is legally allowed to serve you.

Fear not, intrepid Bostonians: You don't need to relieve yourself in the alley behind the Howard Johnson anymore! Longhorn Steakhouse has an easily accessible bathroom that anyone with a little chutzpah can sneak into.

It's likely to be packed to the gills, so breeze past the door staff and walk straight through the first aisle of booths. Take a left near the kitchen and proceed to the corridor in the very back corner. Do not be deterred by the stacks of napkins and high chairs in the hallway, they're just part of the folksy Southern charm Longhorn prides itself in.

Your journey to the toilet is going to be the most exciting part of your squat. Besides the annoying country tunes blaring from their speakers, there's nothing especially fantastic or terrible about the restroom. It's well-stocked and only has a vague diaper stench lurking between the stalls. Drop the kids at the pool, sober up and run to the T before those other drunk schmucks get there.

TheDestroyer Female, 30 years old.
Boston, Massachusetts
On December 4, 2013, 7:32 pm
What I Did in Here: Hugged the porcelain, cleaned up my act.

A sugar bomb masquerading as a coffee drink.

When was the last time you urinated while enveloped by the sweet smell of freshly baked cake and cookies? Never? Oh, so that's not a normal thing?

Depending on how brazen and sneaky you are, it's possible to use the bathrooms at Connecticut Muffin without attracting too much notice. Walk straight through the dining room past the pastry case. The toilet will be on the right.

The restrooms at aren't very clean. The cafe is popular with the neighborhood power mom set so it's constantly fouled up by roving gangs of children. That's OK, though. Sit down, close your eyes and smell the muffins. You'll forget about that gross latte in no time...

PS--Not kidding about the baked goods scent. It is so powerful you can smell it from a block away.
TheDestroyer Female, 30 years old.
Brooklyn, New York
On December 3, 2013, 8:17 pm
What I Did in Here: Urinated & yearned for baked goods

Emack & Bolios. Feeling: Surprised, relieved.

Newbury St. is a veritable toilet desert. Most people would consider me a brazen and shameless squatter, but even I feel sheepish when some elitist shop clerk sneers at me for asking to use the bathroom. (I'm looking at you, Sandra from Saks Fifth Avenue). Trident Booksellers & Cafe may just be the only place for blocks where you can piss-and-run without feeling like a low-class masshole.

Don't even make eye contact with the employees. They seem to have an anything goes bathroom policy here, no need to explain yourself. Walk straight through the door and past the registers, magazines and greeting cards. Before you enter the books section, you will see two restrooms on the right. During their breakfast and dinner rush there will likely be a wait. The local vagrant population has known about the Trident for years and are not shy about using and abusing their john. Be prepared to vie with them for control and use of a toilet. Along with your competitive spirit, it might be prudent to keep some Purell on hand. The facilities are frequently short on soap and TP.

Keep in mind that this a high-traffic crapper. If I really needed to drop a deuce, I would hesitate to use this restroom unless I was prairie doggin' it. A needy patron or sever is going to be banging on the door within minutes if you linger.
TheDestroyer Female, 30 years old.
Boston, Massachusetts
On December 3, 2013, 8:11 pm
What I Did in Here: Peed, listened to the employees complain about their jobs.

A lot of trail mix. Feeling: Awkward & dirty.

The bathrooms in the main terminal of South Station are not what I would deem a "destination restroom". There's no reason to duck into here unless you are either arriving at or leaving the terminal.

Assuming you're entering from the main entrance at the corner of Atlantic Ave. and Summer St., saunter past the ATMs and flower kiosk and take a right before the Rosie's Bakery. Clearly marked and signed, you won't have much trouble locating the bathroom. If you're truly confused the resident homeless population that camps on the metal tables/food court will kindly point you in the right direction.

While I have certainly left my mark in more disgusting toilets, the train station's johns leave a lot to be desired. There's no telling what condition they'll be in when you enter. Despite the constant presence of a defeated and sad janitor, the bathrooms are always at least slightly wet. On the plus side, there are so many stalls that lines and waiting are seldom an issue.

At quieter times, this is a great place to change, freshen up, take a sink shower or evacuate your bladder before moving on to the second leg of your journey. At the worst of times, this bathroom is a total trash heap. There's no telling how it's going to go before your arrival, so don't expect the red carpet treatment.

The trick is to snag one of the enormous handicapped stalls in one of the bathroom's four corners. Obviously, this is a rather insensitive choice if the area is packed with travelers (able-bodied or otherwise). However, it is crucial to realize that the normal stalls are abnormally narrow. Taking luggage, coats and bags in here is a challenge.

You will at one point find yourself pissing in this bathroom if you live in or travel to Boston frequently. Lower your standards and you may just be pleasantly surprised.
TheDestroyer Female, 30 years old.
Boston, Massachusetts
On December 2, 2013, 9:54 pm
What I Did in Here: Cleaned up, tried not to touch any of the surfaces

Allston's worst beer. Feeling: Victorious, battle-weary.

I'll never understand why a bar that specializes in getting young coeds loaded places their restrooms down a hidden and treacherous flight of stairs.

Tread with caution here, squatters. Not only are the restrooms difficult to find, but the bar is dark and you've probably already had a couple. Most people who have walked by T.I.T.S. on a busy evening already know that this is NOT your go-to crapper after 8 PM. T.I.T.S. is strangely popular, and there is frequently a line to get in. If by some fluke you manage to enter unmolested, a small army of irate and inebriated BU undergrads is waiting patiently to spill their beer down your shirt.

Whether or not you heed my warning, you'll need to follow these directions or else you have no nope of locating the whizz palace on your own. Ignore the hostess at the door and immediately take a hard right. Walk alongside the bar until you see a short wall/divider on the left. Walk around said divider and follow the stairs down to the restrooms.

I'm sorry to say it, but the interesting and dangerous part of your pee journey is over. The bathrooms at T.I.T.S. are downright boring. After elbowing my way to the toilet, I'd at least expect a floating poo log or some obscene graffiti to make my experience memorable. No such luck here. It's about as clean as you'd expect it to be. Since the restrooms are a multi-stall deal, there's no fear of upsetting an unsuspecting patron with your noxious fumes or sad noises. Be sure to make this trip worth it, ladies. Really foul the place up, because few poops are worth this much hassle.

TheDestroyer Female, 30 years old.
Allston, Massachusetts
On December 2, 2013, 8:46 pm
What I Did in Here: Peed and lived to tell the tale.

"Food". Feeling: Guilty, dehydrated, obese

Let's get one thing straight right from the outset:
If you are you in here just to pee: Ok. Carry on, soldier.
If you are eating or drinking here: Really? No, seriously. There are about seven places to get drunk and fat on the cheap, and you're slumming it at Friday's? Take a crap and book it before someone actually sees you.

The Longwood Medical crowd seems to LOVE to eat here, so the place is never dead. Trekking up the hill really gets your heart rate going. And, if you're like me at all, any physical exertion makes you immediately need to use the bathroom. T.G.I. Friday's in Brigham Circle is a happy middle ground for most people who are too miserly to pay for bathroom access, but still have a modicum of shame left.

Enter the restaurant confidently and breeze straight by the host stand. In the event that they stop you, you're just meeting a friend who's already seated. Continue to walk to the very back of the room. The restrooms are clearly marked, but the restaurant is lit very poorly. If you're feeling lost, just pretend you're meekly searching for your imaginary lunch date.

Like all chain restaurants, the bathrooms at Fridays are serviced by those automatic air-freshening machines. This means that the entire corridor is heavily spiced with the subtle combination of Pine Sol, Febreeze and human feces. Somehow, the blend of those heinous aromas is more revolting than each on its own.

This toilet seems to be cleaned fairly often. The floors are dry, the toiletries are stocked and the bowls themselves aren't caked with urine. However, the clientele seems to take a perverse delight in defiling the place. I have "dropped in" to this restroom many times, and have always found tiny mountains of discarded toilet paper between the stalls and paper towels tossed on the floor.

Who are we to complain, though? If you're reading this, you're likely pooping inside the bathroom of a T.G.I. Friday's because you can't make it home. People like us probably don't deserve the finer things in life.
TheDestroyer Female, 30 years old.
Boston, Massachusetts
On December 2, 2013, 8:21 pm
What I Did in Here: Started planning my new diet.

spicy nachos, and a glass of hot water; content but disgusted

In response to the previous squatter, I would just like to make clear that making a pit stop here requires the $2.25 subway fare (you have to swipe in order to get access). That said, I could be wrong, but I believe this is the only subway-level public toilet I have ever seen or used.

With all of the traffic this toilet gets, it literally is a wasteland of refuse, bad odors, and feces. I could barely hold my breath (and aim), as I propped the lid of the latrine open with my foot while I did my business. Needless to say, the various olfactory distractions made me miss my mark on several occasions, and my urine wound up all over the floor. I hate to say that I'm usually a contributor towards the bad sanitary conditions at this venue. Hey, at least I'm honest!

This venue could very well be a lifesaver, but most of the times, I would just avoid it.
JuicyFoot Female, 30 years old.
New York, New York
On November 24, 2013, 10:13 am
What I Did in Here: I missed my mark from all of the bad smells, and ended up urinating all over the floor.

A full pot of tea. Feeling: Complete & total revulsion.

If you’re insane like me, you feel compelled to take a piss in one of the filthiest restrooms in NYC. If you’re still curious after finishing this review, simply find your way to landing by the NQR trains inside the Times Square subway station. The entryway to the bathroom is across the way from the Wells Fargo bank/ATM.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to use these facilities without contracting a fatal infection or passively consuming toxic amounts of other people’s airborne fecal matter. If you think you’re equal to the test, you’re probably wrong.

The first thing you need to know that these are possibly the most secure bathrooms on the planet. There are four cell-like stalls, all separated from the terminal by a thick layer of shatterproof glass. It made sense to me at first, but the more I thought about it, the more perplexing it was. Did the MTA somehow think that the glass would promote cleanliness? Keep unsavory characters out? Keep unsavory characters in?

Their second measure of security is a surly, gruff bathroom attendant who fiercely guards the area. His only task is to make sure his guests understand which bathrooms are currently free. He must be operating under the assumption that every person who takes a dump at a subway station is either mentally disabled or illiterate. He is the enforcer; disobey him at your own peril. You’ve got five minutes, and he’s not shy about reminding you. There’s no stated punishment for exceeding the limit, but it likely involves a heavy dose of disdain and humiliation.

After every person leaves the stall, a somber janitor shuffles into the restroom, equipped with a broom, gloves and bleach. Ostensibly, his task it to clean it and prepare it for the next eager straphanger. The state of the stall I had to use suggests otherwise.

The floor was literally drenched in urine. Usually, when a restroom’s floor is wet, you imagine that it’s a repellent combination of body fluids, toilet water and runoff from a poorly-constructed sink. But no, the vomitous stench and the stickiness of the floor could mean only one thing: Every conceivable surface is covered in pee and I’ve been irreparably contaminated.
Squatting on the seat was impossible. Even if the seat wasn’t dotted with liquid, no human being with an ounce of pride or self-preservation would take that risk. I couldn't grab the wall to gain purchase while squatting, as that too was coated with moisture. With my astounding lack of coordination and steadily increasing fear, I tried my best to hit the target. I am sad to report that is was not a successful operation.

Then, the horrifying realization dawned on me: I was now part of the problem. The cycle of never-ending filth had inexorably drawn me in. I was a cog in the piss machine. The next logical step in my life is to move into the abandoned subway tunnels and become one of the fabled mole people of New York City.
TheDestroyer Female, 30 years old.
New York, New York
On November 24, 2013, 12:09 am
What I Did in Here: Lost every shred of human dignity I ever possessed.