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31 years old
Eating machine and bar hopper extraordinaire with a bladder so small she's always on the prowl. Find her on Twitter: @slackerology.
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Mozzarella sticks & a glass of Chardonnay; bloated

Though I wouldn't personally recommend coming here, as I had my bank information compromised during my visit, I did have a great time. Even if my $55 tab turned into a $500 shopping spree at Toys-R-Us. Thanks, Sandy from fraud services, but alas.

The place is a lot bigger than it looks, with tons of space on the ground floor and yet another bar on the upper level, which is perfect for the kind of private party I was attending. There were slick little couches to lounge about on and large flat screens to drown yourself in.

I can only speak for the bathroom on this upper level, which is literally two steps away from the bar. It's a unisex, single toilet, with space enough to do dirty deeds, but did I mention how close it is to the bar? Everyone will see you going in and there will be no question about who dropped the stinky bomb if you decide to leave one.

While I definitely won't be coming here again, I can understand the appeal. Refrain from opening tabs. Just use cash through the night and you should enjoy yourself.
slackerology Female, 31 years old.
Brooklyn, New York
On March 12, 2014, 7:56 pm
What I Did in Here: Tinkled and may have peed on my shoe a little, what the hell.

Two Manhattans & the driest Mahi Mahi tacos of all time

I was here recently to see a Stephanie Mills concert. Arriving to the shows early means you get a group ticket that allows you and your party to wait downstairs in the comfort of Lucille's Cafe until the club opens. If you see how long the queue outside gets, you won't regret showing up an hour or two early. The food at the restaurant is expensive and terrible; the drinks at the bar are expensive but amazing. The bathroom in Lucille's is located on the balcony above, accessible by a flight of stairs near the entrance. It's several stalls large, spacious, and quite clean.

Inside the club, the bathrooms will be to the right of the entrance. Once the place gets packed, or rather, once a performance starts, there's an attendant present for your hand drying needs. You'll also find the normal freshening up tools: cheap body spray, some lotions, assorted candies, etc.

Despite how crowded this place gets--standing room only once the tables are filled and there will be a lot of people standing-- no one ever seems to attack the bathroom all at once. For all the bobbing and weaving it sometimes took to get to the bathroom, there was never a line and the bathroom managed to stay clean throughout the night.
slackerology Female, 31 years old.
New York, New York
On March 8, 2014, 12:38 pm
What I Did in Here: Peed about three times and nabbed a peppermint.

Singha beer & emerald dumplings; pleasantly surprised

I wound up at this place after showing up an hour early for a friend's show. There's no beer on tap, but they've got imports to spare and the bar is fully stocked towards your cocktail needs. The decor is great, too, wait staff included. Everyone was stupidly attractive and very friendly.

Since the bar is at the front and no one checks you at the door, the bathrooms are fairly accessible. Walk straight back from the entrance towards the main dining area and take the first left.

Apparently, this restaurant is a serious hotspot. While it was fairly quiet towards the front of the restaurant, it was packed to the brim when I wandered further in. Despite this, there was no line for the toilet and there's only one for us ladies to use.

The bathroom was clean and tastefully decorated ( check out the ferns on the ledge ) but it's very dark. There's a huge mirror, but you can't see shit, so it doesn't really matter. It's all black everything in here: the toilets, the sinks, etc. Very chic with ten tons of toilet paper.
slackerology Female, 31 years old.
Squatted At ViV @ 717 9th Ave
New York, New York
On December 29, 2013, 5:47 pm
What I Did in Here: A teeny, tiny princess sprinkle.

Four damn sips of water; slightly frantic

I came here after seeing Catching Fire, which is one doozy of a long movie, but by some late Thanksgiving miracle, I didn't have to bolt for the bathroom immediately thereafter.

I probably should have, though.

Home Depot is just across the street, so I figured I'd pick up a few things. Turns out I overestimated my holding power. By the time we entered the lot, I'd been sneak-attacked, overwhelmed by a savage need to pee.

Anyone who's ever been inside a Home Depot knows just how big they are. Hopefully you're not like me and practically bursting with piss, but if you've got an emergency, you'd better be speed walking it if you want to hit this toilet in time. From the entrance, the bathrooms are a very long trek to the very last aisle.

Once you get to that last aisle, however, the restroom sign is hanging loud and proud from the ceiling, so you can't miss it. Head right into the alcove beneath it and look left for the bathrooms. There are a couple of water fountains just outside the men's bathroom if you dare.

I guess what bothered me most about these bathrooms was that I could smell them long before I even went in. Rounding the first corner, I was hit with a pungent combo of B.O and urine, but mostly B.O. Thankfully, the stench of armpit, salami and tzatziki sauce dissipated when I entered the ladies' room. The urine lingered just a little. Nothing too terrible, though.

In fact, the bathroom was impeccably clean. So clean that I took great care to wipe my tinkle sprinkles from the seat since no amount of control could temper how violent a piss that was. This place is well-stocked with the important stuff, including a functional number of stalls.
slackerology Female, 31 years old.
Newark, New Jersey
On December 19, 2013, 2:33 pm
What I Did in Here: Pissed a river and cleaned a toilet seat.

Green tea and Twizzlers; comfy

Oh, City Plex. How I love thee. If I had to pick a happy place that didn't peg me a raging alcoholic, it would be this theater. I'm perfectly fine driving out of my way to come here and I'm pretty sure I come here way too often. Frozen was brilliant, by the way.

As movie theaters go, this place is a dream. The matinee prices are as low as you'd expect in Jersey, never will you encounter a sticky floor, and on most days, you're lucky enough that you may only have to encounter a handful of people. Granted I'm more of a daytime movie-goer, every screening feels like a private one.

There are three bathrooms for your convenience, one at each end of the theater to minimize travel time when you've got to go. The third bathroom I didn't discover until my last visit. You don't even have to be a paying customer to use this one, as it's right near the entrance. I also realized why I never noticed it: it's behind an unmarked door next to the game room, between the photo booth and the claw machine. Without asking an employee, I'd have never known it was there. This bathroom has only a single toilet, and as such, it's well-used compared to the bathrooms deeper in the theater.

Lines are virtually non-existent for having so many options. The bathroom to the right of the ticket taker is slightly smaller, so I much prefer the one at the far end of the theater. This one, the biggest and most remote of the restrooms, features 9 stalls, 8 sinks, and 3 dryers. Employees are always making rounds, checking inventory, making sure everything's in order, and everything always is.

The stalls are roomy and chances are, you'll be in there alone, so this is a great place to do whatever you damn well please. The toilets have auto-sensors, and like most toilets with auto-sensors, they seem to take forever to "sense" something. Unlike some auto-sensors, however, there's a huge button panel so you can flush at your own discretion. Too often have I encountered flush buttons so tiny you'd practically need a pin to push them.

There are plenty of sinks and there's always soap, though I do have a minor complaint about the hand dryers being above the counters. It creates a lot of unreasonable wetness at times, but it's hardly a deal-breaker and they seem to keep it under wraps.
slackerology Female, 31 years old.
Newark, New Jersey
On December 19, 2013, 2:32 pm
What I Did in Here: Took a tiny tinkle and snooped about.

A margarita or two; somewhat satisfied.

Say what you want, but the Theater District is one of the worst places to drink in Manhattan. Most of the bars and the people that frequent them are just so darn stuffy. I decided to drop in on this place after visiting a friend at work, as they were the only ones even advertising a happy hour.

So, here's the deal: there's an upstairs bar that features an "all day happy hour". That is, $5 cosmos, appletinis, and margaritas along with $4 Blue Moons. Not bad at all and my margarita did have a nice punch to it. Granted I started my day drinking rather early, this is a good bar to drink at for some quiet time as the restaurant itself seems to draw an older crowd that isn't interested in drinking at 2 p.m. Apparently, it gets a lot rowdier later on.

The bathroom has all of the basics, including the sort of protected TP dispenser that I like. However, the hand dryer runs cold and is virtually ineffective. Fortunately, the aforementioned TP dispenser means you can yank off some sheets to handle the faucet and the door without soaking the entire roll. And speaking of the door, this one could use some WD-40. It's stiff and creaky and it may take some violent pushes and pulls for it cooperate.

When you come up the stairs, a hostess will ask if you'd like to sit at a table. Tell her you'd like to sit at the bar and ask for the bathroom. The bathroom is just before the bar on the right hand side. There's little to stop you from peeing and blowing the joint, even if the host stand is just a few steps away. This may require some balls, but what the hell are they going to do, really?
slackerology Female, 31 years old.
New York, New York
On December 19, 2013, 2:31 pm
What I Did in Here: Forced out a precautionary tinkle before hopping the N train.

A cup of dirt-water coffee an hour earlier; amused

Poor Whole Foods. This one's so busy delivering good customer service ( and they do, they really do ) that the bathroom seems like a lazy afterthought. It appears clean, but everything is so haphazard and comically at odds with itself that it makes you wonder.

The door hit the garbage can as I entered. Before I could wonder who the hell would put that there, I noticed a suspicious shopping bag filled with empty cardboard boxes near the sink. Why they were there? I haven't the foggiest. But "Why is this here?" became the question of the hour the more I snooped around.

I stepped in the first stall, which looked clean enough, but for no reason at all there was a toilet brush napping on the floor. It was as if someone went in there, did a half-assed scrub job, and gave no fucks about trying to hide it. I'm guessing the logic here is at least we know the toilets get cleaned.

The crooked sign above the toilet beseeching you not to put paper towels in it is a nice touch, but what really takes the cake is the ill-conceived floral arrangement on the sink's countertop.

In a sad attempt to class up the place, there was a vase of tulips that really had no business being in there. The soap dispensers were empty, too, so having to pump soap out of a bottle was a big plus. At least the automatic paper towel dispenser worked. For more laughs, check out the big storage bin under the sink, where I'm guessing that damn toilet brush was supposed to go.

I'd use this bathroom for the giggles more than the shits, but if I had to drop one, I would.
slackerology Female, 31 years old.
West Orange, New Jersey
On December 6, 2013, 11:02 am
What I Did in Here: Took a tinkle and did some FBI class investigating.

A glass of Guinness; wary yet prepared.

I can't stand this damn place. It's just so dingy and not even in an interesting way. Yet for some reason, my friends were obsessed with it for a long time and I found myself here more often than I'd like.

Yeah, there's cheap beer and cheap shit to keep you mildly entertained ( a cheap ass pool table and some cheap ass dart sets ), but you can do better. I think part of the reason my friends liked it so much is that nothing happens here ever. It may be one of the deadest bars in this bar-heavy area. That said, there are plenty of places to sit and you won't have to fight for control of the jukebox.

But none of that really matters because the bathroom is shit.

Much like this bar is a hole in the ground, its bathroom is very much a hole in the wall. It's often filthy beyond measure, which makes no sense because like I said: nobody's ever here. Mind the floor. Who knows when it's been mopped. Bring your own toilet paper. Who knows where theirs has been.

Above all, be careful when you squat. Put enough toilet paper into the bowl before you go. Get as close as you can to the seat without risking venereal disease. I remember a night I peed here and the splashback hit me like a freaking geyser. Even when I tried to moderate my flow, I kept getting bombed. I remember groaning and whining and maybe thinking of crying.

Save yourself the PTSD. Find another place to pee.
slackerology Female, 31 years old.
New York, New York
On November 21, 2013, 7:03 pm
What I Did in Here: A very reluctant tinkle.

Shitake Supreme, shumai & carrot cake; ready to give birth.

There's a nice vibe here. The servers are friendly, the seats are comfy, and I eat like an animal whenever I come. I'll have soup, dim sum, an entree, and still have the good nerve to order dessert. If I'm feeling particularly savage, I might even order two. After which, I usually have to TAKE a number two.

It's hard to speculate on the location of the restroom if this is your first time here. It can be to the left, right, upstairs, who knows. I certainly remember asking a staff member for directions during my first visit. The best way to navigate towards the bathroom is to know where it is in respect to the restaurant's entrance. The entrance of the restaurant is on the right side and you can follow a clear path towards the back, where the kitchen is. The bathroom is to the left just before you reach it.

... And it's a nice bathroom. It's a single toilet with good lighting and all the cleanliness you want when doing your deeds. There was even a lovely dried flower arrangement and some potpourri to which I credit the divine smell of this bathroom. Overall, it's classy, sterile, and kind of girly in here. It almost feels like visiting the home of an aunt with nothing but free time on her hands, an affinity for cute shit, and a deep-seated desire to impress you with the comfort and functionality of her guest bathroom.
slackerology Female, 31 years old.
Montclair, New Jersey
On November 20, 2013, 10:59 am
What I Did in Here: Took a nice, smooth deuce.

Large iced coffee & a French cruller; full to bursting.

There aren't too many businesses around here that offer bathrooms for public use. If nothing else, this bathroom is a gem just for the easy access.

You have to be buzzed into the bathroom by employees, but it's not like they exercise any exclusivity beyond simply being a paying customer. Not that you have to be, of course. It's not farfetched to think that some people would use the bathroom before placing their order and it's easy to pretend you're planning to do just that. There are two entrances, one of which is but a few steps from the restroom, so it's easy to make a quick getaway after your shits and tinkles.

The bathroom is a good size, but it's a hit or miss in terms of cleanliness. There are times when I've come here and could literally smell the disinfectant. There have been others when I've had to navigate a mine field of puddles and toilet paper. Fortunately, the gross times are much rarer these days.

One thing I'll give them credit for is their toilet paper situation. They always have some, it's always on the damn roll, and it's usually dry.
slackerology Female, 31 years old.
Brooklyn, New York
On November 20, 2013, 8:25 am
What I Did in Here: One seriously violent pee-pee.