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Half a sock-it-to-me cake and I have unbuttoned my pants

I was doing a comedy show and I tried to contain the fullness of my bladder which was complete with many, many beverages of every sort. I could no longer keep the urine to myself so I uncomfortably ventured up the many, many steps to the bathroom and was pleasantly surprised upon my arrival. What a lovely, intimate set-up greeted me! It was a one-person stall (which are the best type of stalls) and had a beautiful chair (aside from the toilet) whereupon a person could relax and think about what they just put inside that porcelain trap.

I continued to enjoy beverages throughout the night knowing that a sweet commode had my back...and my bladder in this case.
GinaShats Female, 50 years old.
On December 3, 2013, 2:28 pm
What I Did in Here: I enjoyed a wonderful release of top grade urine

A tall glass of water. Dribbly.

Had to crash here for a few nights. Guest bathrooms are swanky and sparkly. Closed to outsiders but don't despair!

There's one piece of porcelain you CAN access here. Put on your best scruffy backpacker swagger, enter the front door and head to your right, toward the check-in desk. Don't stop to ask. Walk through the gray double doors and on your right, before you get to the community/meeting type room at the end of the hall, you'll find a single M/F restroom with 24/hr access. Hallelujah!

Always stocked, new fixtures, cleaned daily, never a wait. All thrones should aspire!
QueenPee Female, 39 years old.
New York, New York
On December 3, 2013, 12:28 am
What I Did in Here: marathon pee

A lot of trail mix. Feeling: Awkward & dirty.

The bathrooms in the main terminal of South Station are not what I would deem a "destination restroom". There's no reason to duck into here unless you are either arriving at or leaving the terminal.

Assuming you're entering from the main entrance at the corner of Atlantic Ave. and Summer St., saunter past the ATMs and flower kiosk and take a right before the Rosie's Bakery. Clearly marked and signed, you won't have much trouble locating the bathroom. If you're truly confused the resident homeless population that camps on the metal tables/food court will kindly point you in the right direction.

While I have certainly left my mark in more disgusting toilets, the train station's johns leave a lot to be desired. There's no telling what condition they'll be in when you enter. Despite the constant presence of a defeated and sad janitor, the bathrooms are always at least slightly wet. On the plus side, there are so many stalls that lines and waiting are seldom an issue.

At quieter times, this is a great place to change, freshen up, take a sink shower or evacuate your bladder before moving on to the second leg of your journey. At the worst of times, this bathroom is a total trash heap. There's no telling how it's going to go before your arrival, so don't expect the red carpet treatment.

The trick is to snag one of the enormous handicapped stalls in one of the bathroom's four corners. Obviously, this is a rather insensitive choice if the area is packed with travelers (able-bodied or otherwise). However, it is crucial to realize that the normal stalls are abnormally narrow. Taking luggage, coats and bags in here is a challenge.

You will at one point find yourself pissing in this bathroom if you live in or travel to Boston frequently. Lower your standards and you may just be pleasantly surprised.
TheDestroyer Female, 29 years old.
Boston, Massachusetts
On December 2, 2013, 9:54 pm
What I Did in Here: Cleaned up, tried not to touch any of the surfaces

This Home Depot is the

This Home Depot is the perfect place to stop if you gotta go. Nobody gives a damn about you or what you're doing there. Seriously, try asking an employee for help finding something. You'll never feel more alone in your life.

The bathrooms are straight to the back near the showroom. They're big and, surprisingly, there's never really anyone in there. They're about as clean as you can expect the bathrooms in one of the country's worst-rated Home Depots to be (not making that up), but what the hell do you care?

I stop here all the time, and sometimes on the way out I see something I need. It's a guaranteed win.
craichead Male, 31 years old.
Brooklyn, New York
On December 2, 2013, 9:34 pm
What I Did in Here: urinate

I'm sure there's a toilet

I'm sure there's a toilet here, but you will not be allowed to use it... unless you wanna work at KFC (shudder). Try Black Swan down the block. Or better yet, just piss outside like the good lord intended.
craichead Male, 31 years old.
Brooklyn, New York
On December 2, 2013, 9:22 pm
What I Did in Here: nothing

The toilet at P.P. (no pun

The toilet at P.P. (no pun intended) has long been my throne away from home. Not only do I hang out here quite often, but I also used to work here.

I've spent countless moments of varying degrees occupying these bathrooms - whether doing my morning business in the peace and quiet before we opened for business, or during the unpleasant tasks of removing graffiti, feces, blood, or vomit from the area (none of which you should have to worry about on a typical day).

I can't, in good conscience, suggest that you freeload on the facilities here. You should buy a drink, or at least leave a tip. If you do stay for a few, you'll get to use the toilet as much as you want... and you'll definitely need to.
craichead Male, 31 years old.
Brooklyn, New York
On December 2, 2013, 9:19 pm
What I Did in Here: I have done many things in here

Allston's worst beer. Feeling: Victorious, battle-weary.

I'll never understand why a bar that specializes in getting young coeds loaded places their restrooms down a hidden and treacherous flight of stairs.

Tread with caution here, squatters. Not only are the restrooms difficult to find, but the bar is dark and you've probably already had a couple. Most people who have walked by T.I.T.S. on a busy evening already know that this is NOT your go-to crapper after 8 PM. T.I.T.S. is strangely popular, and there is frequently a line to get in. If by some fluke you manage to enter unmolested, a small army of irate and inebriated BU undergrads is waiting patiently to spill their beer down your shirt.

Whether or not you heed my warning, you'll need to follow these directions or else you have no nope of locating the whizz palace on your own. Ignore the hostess at the door and immediately take a hard right. Walk alongside the bar until you see a short wall/divider on the left. Walk around said divider and follow the stairs down to the restrooms.

I'm sorry to say it, but the interesting and dangerous part of your pee journey is over. The bathrooms at T.I.T.S. are downright boring. After elbowing my way to the toilet, I'd at least expect a floating poo log or some obscene graffiti to make my experience memorable. No such luck here. It's about as clean as you'd expect it to be. Since the restrooms are a multi-stall deal, there's no fear of upsetting an unsuspecting patron with your noxious fumes or sad noises. Be sure to make this trip worth it, ladies. Really foul the place up, because few poops are worth this much hassle.

TheDestroyer Female, 29 years old.
Allston, Massachusetts
On December 2, 2013, 8:46 pm
What I Did in Here: Peed and lived to tell the tale.

"Food". Feeling: Guilty, dehydrated, obese

Let's get one thing straight right from the outset:
If you are you in here just to pee: Ok. Carry on, soldier.
If you are eating or drinking here: Really? No, seriously. There are about seven places to get drunk and fat on the cheap, and you're slumming it at Friday's? Take a crap and book it before someone actually sees you.

The Longwood Medical crowd seems to LOVE to eat here, so the place is never dead. Trekking up the hill really gets your heart rate going. And, if you're like me at all, any physical exertion makes you immediately need to use the bathroom. T.G.I. Friday's in Brigham Circle is a happy middle ground for most people who are too miserly to pay for bathroom access, but still have a modicum of shame left.

Enter the restaurant confidently and breeze straight by the host stand. In the event that they stop you, you're just meeting a friend who's already seated. Continue to walk to the very back of the room. The restrooms are clearly marked, but the restaurant is lit very poorly. If you're feeling lost, just pretend you're meekly searching for your imaginary lunch date.

Like all chain restaurants, the bathrooms at Fridays are serviced by those automatic air-freshening machines. This means that the entire corridor is heavily spiced with the subtle combination of Pine Sol, Febreeze and human feces. Somehow, the blend of those heinous aromas is more revolting than each on its own.

This toilet seems to be cleaned fairly often. The floors are dry, the toiletries are stocked and the bowls themselves aren't caked with urine. However, the clientele seems to take a perverse delight in defiling the place. I have "dropped in" to this restroom many times, and have always found tiny mountains of discarded toilet paper between the stalls and paper towels tossed on the floor.

Who are we to complain, though? If you're reading this, you're likely pooping inside the bathroom of a T.G.I. Friday's because you can't make it home. People like us probably don't deserve the finer things in life.
TheDestroyer Female, 29 years old.
Boston, Massachusetts
On December 2, 2013, 8:21 pm
What I Did in Here: Started planning my new diet.

Drinks at a bar in O'Hare, groggy

I got off a late night flight from O'Hare groggy from the two drinks I had before boarding the plane and the oxycodone I've been taking for a tooth infection. Stumbled into the Terminan C ladies room, a warren of metallic silver doors. My chosen space was reasonable for a crossroads ladies room, and I sat the sit of the exhausted. My stream, frustrated for an hour in the air, burst free with a grateful burble. I took some more painkillers and sat until my head stopped throbbing. When I stood, the automatic flush took over.

Unfortunately, it was midnight, and when I exited the stall the cleaning lady had blocked the doorway with her cart and a gate made of plastic humanoid mockups. In my semiconscious state it was difficult to dislodge these things, and a trail of annoyed exclamations followed my down the hall toward baggage claim.

Clean as could be expected, albeit soulless. One point off for the automatic flush, which I hate...they are always going off when I learn forward. Another point off for the late night obstacle course.
dommesdoittoo Female, 55 years old.
Arlington, Virginia
On December 2, 2013, 3:24 pm
What I Did in Here: offloaded some bourbon, cleared my head

Steak and feeling awesome

Although I missed my calling as king, this place made me feel like royalty. The type of escape I dream of. There was no one in there handing out mints or chewing gum, but lets be honest... who wants a witness. Its a small dark bathroom with light music and plenty of privacy. This is the kind of bathroom that a steak house is built around. Make sure you get there early or late for lunch because from 12-1PM, the restaurant is packed. I recommend the truffle oil mash potatoes.
DCAristocrap Male, 36 years old.
On December 2, 2013, 3:19 pm
What I Did in Here: you know what I did

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