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one too many glasses of wine, a bit of cheese. nostalgic.

I came here pretending to mourn a lost relative. However, nobody in my family had passed away. Not recently, anyway...

I quietly walked past the front desk teary-eyed and dressed in my usual sexy black garb. The receptionist asked me who I was seeing. I simply pointed, and made my way to the ladies room -- this was my main intent and attraction. Every woman has a secret.

After some quiet pondering to myself, the moment came to finally unwind and let loose all of my inner pent-up emotions in the form of a nice golden shower, rubbing my inner thighs furiously the entire time. Afterwards, I looked between the seams of my dress to see that I had made a nice yellow mess inside the bowl.

I wiped myself thoroughly, and walked calmly out of the venue.

If you can ignore the mourners, this place is the perfect spot to relax one's bowels, or in my case, my bladder.
WakeUpPapa Female, 27 years old.
New York, New York
On November 14, 2013, 10:17 pm
What I Did in Here: golden showers, a lady's secret

Wine, and I feel fantastic

Ovest is one of my favorite restaurants in Chelsea. I eat here a lot and I drink here a lot, and I do other things here a lot too, like charge my phone and use their toilet and cocaine (if there are any cops reading this, just kidding haha lol). I first stumbled upon Ovest before seeing an Off-Broadway show across the street called "Sleep No More". Since then, I purposely stumble in to Ovest almost every weekend because of the chill atmosphere and because a guy from Tumblr is obsessed with being Foursquare Mayor and I take great joy in stealing that title from him whenever I can. It's the little things in life that make it worth living, after all. Ovest has two single bathrooms, one for men and one for women. Both are cute and little, and decorated in an odd mediterranean theme doesn't quite fit the rest of the restaurant. The bathroom makes you think "I'm in Greece" when you just ate a pizza that makes you think "I'm in Italy" and that can lead to some emotional confusion. Still, the bathrooms are generally clean, and both feature an ample supply of toilet paper and a strong hand dryer. The women's bathroom also has a full length mirror, which is a thoughtful touch. The toilets themselves (and I've had the pleasure of sitting on both of them) are not too high and not too low but just right. I have nothing but praise for the Toilets of Ovest and I heartily recommend them to all my friends and any tourists I happen to meet on the Highline.
frances Female, 30 years old.
New York, New York
On November 14, 2013, 8:35 pm
What I Did in Here: Number 1

(so much) Stumptown Iced Coffee - Black

A man walking out of one of the 2(!) closed room stalls exclaimed to me as I was washing my hands, "This is bathroom heaven!" I didn't say anything back to him because a) my mother said never to talk to strangers in a public restroom and b) i was afraid he might try to high-five me with his TP hand and therefore ruin the past 30 seconds of warm, soapy water I had lathered on my now free-of-grime hands.

However, a large smile formed inside me. I'm not sure if it was just relief from the gallon of coffee that had recently leaked out of my bladder, but he was right; The NoMad bathrooms do feel like what God or Zeus or Whoever might miraculously construct for Him/Herself if in need of a quick 1 or 2 after a morning coffee/cigarette. (Another heavenly combo).

There are 2 (!!!) stalls (rooms) when you walk in on either side of you, with big heavy doors that lock, and make you feel at home, if your home is 30 sq. feet with a bathroom. (Think of a prisoner in maybe a Louis Vuitton orange jumpsuit, and you've got the picture) The tiles alone will make you sit long past the time you've finished your business- they're small and look like they move if you squint your eyes/eat magic mushrooms. The stall (room) on the left is slightly larger, with a small side table with a magazine on it. Really handy if you need to roll a...cigarette while sittin on the john.

Past these two exquisite stalls (rooms) there are sinks on the right and in front of you, and to the left, four urinals for all your pissing pleasure. The second one on the left is lower to the ground, for the shorter people of the world (and children), and they all flush automatically. The sinks-big washbowls, I believe there are 4 or 5-come with taps that get hot quicker than you can soap up your hands, which is something that every restroom should have.

The last detail, and certainly not the least, are the "paper towels" used to wash your hands. They are soft and sit in stacks next to the sinks. Emblazoned with the NoMad's geometric logo, they are gentle to the touch, and thick enough that you only really need two in order to dry your moist hands. I generally take a small stack of them in my tote bag to save for unwarranted bloody noses, or to wipe spilled champagne from my Tom Ford suits.

(2 complaints (minor): 1- you have to walk down a staircase to get to these lavish rooms. No matter, because there are beautiful butterflies constructed from wire that rest in frames adorned on the walls, and the shadows play off them beautifully. 2- the mirrors in the bathroom are angled downwards. This doesn't make any sense except maybe to conceal the privacy of the pissers behind you? I'm not sure.)

To sum it up, this is a bathroom for the elite, and you will most certainly leave feeling better than you did before. Say hi to the doormen, maybe give them a little tip for letting you into one of the nicest bathrooms in Manhatta, and walk away with a smile on your face.
bourgieP123 Male, 26 years old.
New York, New York
On November 14, 2013, 7:30 pm
What I Did in Here: pssssss

Bloody marys. Drunk as a skunk.

The bathroom at Bed, Bath & Beyond is, for the most part, a gem. Not because it's clean, not because it's fancy, but because it's reliable. And pretty big. And often relatively empty.

I had just finished brunch with a friend (who paid, and thus, who I felt obligated to sleep with. Just kidding. I mean, I didn't feel obligated. But we did have sex. I mean ... ) I had ingested several "bacon-infused bloody marys" at a local hipster joint and, in my drunken stupor, felt it was the perfect time to go sheet-shopping. So sheet shopping I went. I was on a mission to find the whitest, soft-as-a-baby's-ass, most decadent sheets imaginable, and money was no object.

B, B & B is not the kind of place you want to go drunk, and with a credit card in your wallet. Bad combination. But if you do happen to be drunk with a full bladder, it's not a bad place to be. Plus, the bathroom is right near the store's entrance so you don't have to navigate your way through endless rows of Swiffers and Nutri-Bullets to find it.

So, before I hit the sheet section downstairs, I hit the loo. It's pretty spacious -- two rows of stalls on separate sides of a wall, which has two sinks on either side. No drama, I thought -- just a quick in and out. That was before a disgruntled shopper walked in.

"Ugh, it smells like someone died in here!" she goes. And I cracked up, because it so did.

"Maybe someone did," I said.

"Maybe someone who couldn't believe the store's prices."

Ba-dum-bum. A comedian.

"Maybe so."

She went into one stall and I went into the one right next to hers. I'm mid-pee when I realize there's no toilet paper.

"Ma'am," I said, reaching under the stall, "can you hand me some toilet paper please?"

"This one doesn't have any either!" she exclaimed. "Goddammit!"

Great.

Luckily, I had a Kleenex in my bag. She apparently didn't have anything.

"Well, I guess I just won't wipe then," she said.

Charming, and thanks for sharing! I quickly updated my facebook page with the news.

And so I learned the hard way that though the bathrooms at Bed, Bath & Beyond are tres convenient, they're not always properly stocked.

Postscript: This inebriated shopper spent $650 bucks on bedding that day. And returned $600 of it the next day when I came to my senses.

Lessons learned: Don't shop drunk. And always BYOTP.
Poprocks Female, 47 years old.
New York, New York
On November 14, 2013, 7:24 pm
What I Did in Here: Peed, and made a new friend!

Dirty water dogs, Like a weiner.

(Playground for all Children location)

During the summer, while the children are soaking themselves in the water sprinklers spraying onto the playground, the adults can soak their rear ends in the available restrooms (one stall in the ladies room).

This venue, located along I-95 and surrounded by playground equipment and screaming minis, is like entering a fairgrounds’ port-a-potty that hasn’t been “cleaned out” for weeks (actually, the port-a-potty might be cleaner). But don’t let that deter you from entering. While the bowl may be “full”, don’t be deterred; you could always lean over the “mess” and hope the flushing mechanism works. And if all else fails, at least there is a mirror to look into so you can fix your hair or fix the mascara that is running after you flushed the toilet. There is also a sink to wash your hands, after any attempt to flush the goods.

My advice to you though is before even entering this nightmare,if you can hold it for a 5 minute walk, there is a much nicer, larger and NEWER men and women restroom "facility" (near Sweetgum Playground) along the trails that enter the treeline (MUCH better maintained). Good luck with whichever path you choose.
silverliner98 Female, 44 years old.
Bronx, New York
On November 14, 2013, 6:59 pm
What I Did in Here: I wouldn't do a #3 in that place.

Thai food and a donut. Ready to burst

A brewery with a tasting room where you can try 15 different beers and use "tokens" versus money to purchase aforementioned beers will surely lead to some full bladders.

The Brooklyn Brewery's bathroom is definitely designed and maintained with the "it's just gonna be covered in piss soon anyway" mentality. It's no one's fault, after all this place can hold a good 200-300 hipsters at a time, and we all know how careless Brooklynites who ride bikes, have stupid mustaches and dress like they're poor are. If you need to drop a deuce, this is definitely not the place, but luckily you can just get drunk enough to convince yourself you're not gonna shit your pants, or that you actually don't mind sitting on seats full of hipster-piss.

With multiple urinals, they did take into account the masses of men needing to empty the hose. The concrete floor does a good job of making you wonder if that's piss or spilled beer pooling below your Chuck Taylors. Half drank and quarter full plastic beer cups with the Brewery's logo always occupy the tops of the urinals making it seem like you're at a football game. The Brewery does a good job in having taller and shorter urinals respectfully. Not sure if it's designed for well endowed men or children, but since kids aren't allowed into the establishment, my guess is they had me in mind when they made those ones that are very close to the ground. That or people who don't want to splash themselves with their own urine (always a pet peeve of mine).

The Brooklyn Brewery's bathroom is straight out of a 1980s bowling alley. Provided it's not a busy day, anyone can sneak in and use it, but Saturday and Sundays they let people in like 5 at a time, thus making the appeal of the brewery greater. Not to say it's not great already. Their bathroom on the other hand, just serves to get you back buying more beer, well done Brooklyn Brewery, well done.
TINMAN Male, 37 years old.
Brooklyn, New York
On November 14, 2013, 6:09 pm
What I Did in Here: peed, like 9 diff times. Not a #2 venue, unless you're the first one in there.

doesn't even matter.

OHHHHHH what can I say about this bathroom.

Don't. Just. Don't.

Unless you're that desperate. I'd rather go on a bus from Chinatown than go here. Well, maybe that's a gross exaggeration but you get what I'm saying.

Maybe there are other sections of PA that aren't so bad. But the ones located on the bottom floor are just despicable. It's soaked from floor to ceiling, most if not all the stalls are "OUT OF ORDER" in some manner, and there's almost always someone with either too many things or too many smells hanging out, spreading their belongings along any available counter.

I was in an out as fast as one could go with luggage in tow. Not without washing my hands. And mentally washing my entire self.
jesaisquoi Female, 28 years old.
New York, New York
On November 14, 2013, 5:40 pm
What I Did in Here: tried to come out alive

Buffalo wings with bleu cheese.. let the good times roll

So this is most definitely the most popular restaurant / bar in sheepshead bay, and a great place to hang out on a thursday night to watch some sports with your buddies.

Wheeler's also has a broad food selection, most of which is delicious and detrimental to your cardiovascular health at the same time.
If you're going to pig out, have the wings and fries. Just make sure that if you're going to visit the toilet soon after, that you're ready to cram into a toilet stall that's scaled down to elf size. This may be one of the most publicly awkward bathrooms I've seen only due to the spacing of everything. You might feel a bit under pressure whilst taking a poop here, there's really no isolation or comfort with this one.
Bottom line: if you're going to poop here, make it quick.
PaulP88 Male, 28 years old.
Brooklyn, New York
On November 14, 2013, 4:50 pm
What I Did in Here: Re-evaluated my pooping space

Shish-kebab to go, please

Of the many areas in sheepshead bay where you can grab some food on-the-go, this is one place you definitely don't want to 'sit-in', or 'sit-on' if you know what i mean.

Anatolian Gyro has some great tasting gyro, but that doesn't make up for their poor sanitary grade. This place is infested with bugs and roaches, and I dread the day I took a look into that restroom that I wish they never let me into, because it's a nightmare.

Long story short, if you gotta go, don't go here.
PaulP88 Male, 28 years old.
Brooklyn, New York
On November 14, 2013, 4:42 pm
What I Did in Here: Had nightmares

Whiskey

I can't say this is my favorite bathroom.

First off, there's always a line, especially if you go on a Friday or Saturday night. There's no rhyme or reason to the set up. It's located right next to the Buck Hunt and Skeeball machines (gross). Granted there are about 5 stalls and a separate section for dudes, but they are frequently clogged or out of TP or someone was clearly doing lines on the seat.

The sinks are right in the center of this area, but the pressure is so high that your crotch gets soaked and it almost seems pointless to have used the restroom at all.

I can't complain about lack of porcelain. With a gratuitous five stalls, it lends to a quick turnover and a semi-short wait. If you're lucky and don't get stuck behind a a gaggle of giggling gal-pals, but that's rare since this tends to be more of a "hipster den."

Having been here on occasion on a Monday or Tuesday, the bathrooms are much more pleasurable. No line, no shortage of toilet paper, and they keep pretty clean, but this is a bar so that never lasts too long.

jesaisquoi Female, 28 years old.
Brooklyn, New York
On November 14, 2013, 4:39 pm
What I Did in Here: Only #1. Couldn't poop in peace at this bar.

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