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The Latest and Greatest Toilet Reviews!

A Churro. You know exactly how I feel.

Summary: I mean, deck the hall with ball of expensive imported furniture, lalala the bathroom's great.

You're walking down the street and low and behold, you need to go, oh there is a west elm.

But wait, I want to shop for that new end table and poop at the same time.

Yes, yes you have come to the right place.

The first stop you should make is up the escalator and all the way in the back of the store. You will be stopped by one or many sales associates, asking if you need that table or this full length mirror, just put your head down wave them away with a smile. Or you could stop and look at all the fancy bed-frames that they have for that new apartment you have been considering starting to think about saving for.

Oh right the bathroom - well if you pass all of that temptation you will find a very private bathroom, that is clean, well stocked and quite shnazzy. (I made up how to spell that) It smells great and nothing between you and that porcelain throne but fresh air and time.
Tile on the walls and nice relaxing lighting. You would be a fool not to use it.

Happy shopping and you know. Well you know.
Cowpie09 Male, 27 years old.
New York, New York
On November 17, 2013, 10:15 pm
What I Did in Here: Almost bought 20,000 worth of flatware.

Neon yellow, artificially buttery, artery-clogging popcorn.

It's bad enough when you're in the middle of a good movie and that undeniable urge hits you and you have to duck out in
the middle of it. But what makes matters worse is that when upon leaving the dark,warm and intimate confines of the cozy and quiet theater you go to the bathroom and
you are instantaneously hit with bright florescent lights, icy cold air conditioning and the loud and whiny shrills of girl talk.

I tell you, I can't quite remember being born, but I think it's safe to assume that it can't be much more traumatic than this.

And therein lies the beauty of the Pavilion. The bathroom is an extension of the understated and homely vibe of the theater.

You enter the bathroom and you are met with mood lighting. The temperature is just right - not a single goose bump was raised upon this derriere! There are soft tunes playing in the bathroom and there is a pleasant, clean and citrus-y smell.

The bathroom has two stalls. Enough stalls so that there is hardly a line but not too many stalls to the point where hordes of girls come in and the inevitable conversations about so and so's cousin's cheating boyfriend ensue.

This is a no fuss, no muss, in and out, go in, do your business and leave kind of bathroom that is always fully stocked with
heavy duty napkins and some lovely, sudsy pink soap.

GinaBambina Female, 30 years old.
Brooklyn, New York
On November 17, 2013, 4:43 pm
What I Did in Here: Numero Uno

Venti Pumpkin Spice Latte. Feeling very Fall-like.

The owners of this Starbucks seem to have quite a sense of humor. The bathroom is literally the size of a closet. And I'm
talking a New York City closet. I mean so small that little old me with my 5'1.5" frame struggled to find legroom.

To make matters worse, the only thing protecting my dignity in that single serve, unisex bathroom was little more than a swinging door.

As I made my bladder gladder, a flash of light suddenly flooded the room. I felt the stinging sensation of the door slamming against my naked kneecaps. This was immediately followed by the appearance of a horrified countenance on the face of Henry Cavill's body double.

"Oh, err...uh sorry there."


From that point onwards I decided to stop intermittently and in mid stream in order to extend my leg so that I could press my foot against the door and keep it closed.

It's amazing the amount of time a whiz lasts when you're stopping every 5 seconds. It created quite a symphony of tinkle noises and for that unexpectedly pleasant opportunity that this situation afforded me,
I've added a star to this review.

As I humbly scurried out of the music room, I felt the eyes of judgement upon me. I could swear that I saw a few wry smirks and almost undetectable exchanged glances of gleeful pity.

I have since contacted the New York State Department of Labor and filed a claim against this business: I am usually compensated for my concert performances.
GinaBambina Female, 30 years old.
Brooklyn, New York
On November 17, 2013, 4:12 pm
What I Did in Here: (428/2)0+1=?

Ice cream float for breakfast and I'm feeling regretful

I'm here a lot. My boyfriend and I are both comedians and this is a mainstay location for us so I'm very familiar with the bathroom situation. Given that this place is a relatively dingy basement for the Gristedes above it, the bathroom are much nicer and cleaner than what may be expected.

There are two stalls (in the women's room at least), both of which are fully functional.
I've never had to wipe pubes off the toilet seats.
Generally stocked with an ample amount of TP.
Fun graffiti to read on the walls.
Famous people's butts have graced the seats.

You have to hold down the handle until they finish flushing.
The bathroom mirror is too high for short people to be able to see themselves.

Overall, it's on par with the cleanliness of a department store bathroom, but with a funner aesthetic.

lisah Female, 22 years old.
New York, New York
On November 17, 2013, 1:12 pm
What I Did in Here: Saw a show

A large coffee from the Dunkin' Donuts several blocks back.

Surely not the best bathroom out there, and if you're wandering Emmons Avenue, you've certainly got options, but it's a very decent, easy-access bathroom if you need one. And speaking of options, I understand the need to piss here without actually wanting to eat here. Although several steps above the unprecedented shittiness of Friday's, it's still Applebee's.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to waltz on in here without drawing attention to the fact that you're going to waltz right back out.

Tactics: Upon entering the restaurant, if you loop right, you can avoid the host or hostess to the left of the entrance as you head around the bar. At the end of the bar, you'll see a small corridor right in front of you. Break for the bathrooms.

Ladies should find this place fairly well-suited to their needs. It's nothing fancy, but it's got the important stuff.
slackerology Female, 31 years old.
Brooklyn, New York
On November 17, 2013, 12:23 pm
What I Did in Here: A pee n' run.

Bottled water and a bag of Dirty potato chips.

Typical of a campus this size, there are bathrooms upon bathrooms, and some are way better than others. The best ones by far are located in Boylan Hall and my absolute favorite is the one in Boylan's basement.

To the right of the building's main entrance are some stairs that lead to the basement. The cafeteria is to your left and the bookstore is to your right. Head right towards the bookstore and take another right. The bathroom's on your left.

The stalls are normal sized. That is, there's enough room to do your business without your knees touching the door when you squat. There are stalls on the left and right. If you use the ones on the right, you will find a sort of window ledge that runs along the length of them. While you piss, this is a surprisingly good place to put your stuff.

There's also a good deal of traffic at this bathroom, but it is a clean and reliable restroom nonetheless. Toilet paper, soap, paper towel. Don't worry about it, it's there. One of the main reasons this place is so popular with the ladies is the vanity area when you first enter the bathroom. It's quite large, able to accommodate about five people comfortably. There's plenty of counter space for your shit and a whole lot of mirror. If you still can't get enough of your face, there's yet another mirror to double check your status as you're exiting the bathroom.

Accessibility is not usually an issue. Even if you aren't a student here, it's often quite easy to get in. A good trick is to simply say that you've forgotten your student I.D. Yes, they'll ask for some sort of state identification, but only so they can see your name and write up a temporary I.D for you to carry around.
slackerology Female, 31 years old.
Brooklyn, New York
On November 17, 2013, 11:54 am
What I Did in Here: Peed and fixed my face.

Funghi Misti aka mushroom pizza, lots of water, relaxed

I would have given this place a 5-star rating, but the cashier at the front was very insistent on allowing the toilet ONLY for customers. And so, I bought a slice of pizza in order to crash here. I did NOT regret my decision. The pizza here is fantastic, but the toilet doesn't come close unfortunately. If you ask nicely, I'm sure they'll let you use the toilet here.

The interior was as expected. Homely. Clean. Plenty of toilet paper. Everything worked and functioned normally.

The pizza was great, but the staff can be more lenient!
JuicyFoot Male, 45 years old.
Brooklyn, New York
On November 17, 2013, 11:18 am
What I Did in Here: I pooped a lot (smelled like mushroom), and stretched my legs out a bit

Snails in Black Bean Sauce, feeling nostalgic

I always eat way too much when I visit WoHop. After consuming a dozen crabs, half a roasted duck, too many of those succulent little snails to count and washing it down with over ten cups of green tea, I'm ready to pay a visit to the restroom.

Down a set of chipped-tiled stairs and to the right is what I assume to be the bathroom. I push open the creaking, once-white door, paw around for a light switch and listen to the crackle of a fluorescent bulb lighting up.

Everything is wet. There are buckets under the sink. There are dripping noises coming from every corner. There are two stalls, and neither one of the doors close. It smells like fish scales and makes me wonder if this is where the prep work is done for their ginger-scallion flounder.

To be fair, the toilet seats were clean and there were rolls of toilet paper, although they were positioned tongue-under. After making a hefty deposit and switching over the roll of TP to face the right way, I flushed and held my breath for a few panicked moments, hoping that it would all make it down the drain. It did.

There was soap in the dispenser, although it did smell faintly of bleach. There was no hot water. Still, I did my best to wash my hands and that's when I spotted it--the sin of all bathroom sins--the communal hand towel.

I skipped the towel and wiped my hands on my jeans. Just when I thought the experience was over, I turned around and saw a little girl with long black hair wearing a red coat. She was just standing there frowning like something out of a horror movie. I said excuse me, walked upstairs and ate the complimentary orange slices that came with my bill.

Go to WoHop, just watch out for what's in the restroom.
everybodypoops Female, 25 years old.
New York, New York
On November 17, 2013, 2:54 am
What I Did in Here: pooped, met a ghost

Probably some wine

Never, ever have I had to urinate so badly than one night I was traveling from my apartment in Ridgewood to Chinatown. Either I had a few drinks or just hadn't gone within an hour of leaving, but I had to go and it couldn't wait the 3 minutes for a 4-5-6 to come.

Halfway through the tunnel on the L, the one we all know where your ears pop and you pray the train doesn't stop in the middle for some reason they won't tell you. Where you pray that whatever traveler vagrant doesn't decide to choose your car to serenade and peddle for any change you might happen to have on your person.

I digress.

By the time I reached 3rd Ave, I knew this was going to happen. Risk having to repay for my train ride. But I had to go now.

I tried to play in my mind exactly what to do when I got out the train, depending on which exit I carefully chose. When I climbed the endless steps, there I saw it. A giant green sign I've never been happier to see.

I don't really go to Whole Foods. Ever. There's not one close to my apartment and I don't have the extra money lying around or the will to carry the bags on the subway for any length of time. Having never been in here, finding the bathroom was another task all in itself.

When I finally located the lav, I was pleasantly surprised at how clean and tidy it was kept. I guess, giving the area and assumed customers, a certain level of cleanliness is to be expected, but it surpassed what I would have thought.

Plenty of TP, minimal smells, and I didn't leave feeling anything by relieved that I could so timely expel any waste.
jesaisquoi Female, 28 years old.
New York, New York
On November 17, 2013, 12:50 am
What I Did in Here: #1, and a lot.

A large, dark roast coffee with half-and-half. Feeling jittery.

Naturally, after downing the oversized cup of coffee, I had to pee. Toilet paper, soap, two locks, an automatic paper towel dispenser and multiple mirrors would appear to make this the ideal bathroom experience. The toilet seat was clean. There was soap in the dispenser. The toilet paper's tongue stuck over--not under. The lighting was adequate without being overbearing. There was even reading material in the form of sharpied-on poems detailing existential unrest. So why the three stars? Why not four or, heck, a deserved five stars if this bathroom has all of the necessary amenities?

I'll tell you why, potential patrons. It's because the mirror above the sink is a skinny mirror, and I don't like being tricked. If the mirrors are lying, what else is lying? What's really in that "zesty dipping sauce?" Thought you could pull a fast one on me, huh Cyber West? If that is your real name.

I saw those giant chocolate chip cookies on the way in and thought, could I? Wouldn't that be positively gluttonous of me to have a cookie larger than my head? My hips cannot possibly afford that. Then bam! One look in the mirror and I've been reduced to supermodel-like proportions. I guess chocolate chip DOES sound good. But wait, the trashcan behind me has also appeared to have slimmed down. Nice try, mirror, but I'm saving a couple of bucks and skipping that cookie...maybe.
everybodypoops Female, 25 years old.
Binghamton, New York
On November 17, 2013, 12:12 am
What I Did in Here: peed, contemplated buying a cookie